EDISI 48 : 11 FEBRUARI 2005 - ENGLISH VERSION

Type Of Girls

HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live
without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she
comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to
uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall
her you will lose everything............



GLOBALIZATION

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips,and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization

Complexity Woman in IT-Definition

Subject: IT Problem

Dear lT Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Qyu Qyu 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and
Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about
going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife
1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a
Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0
is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I
recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I
suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate
software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the
command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife
1.0 is a great program! but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use
these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This
application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
IT Support